Grief, love and coming out collide: Review of the movie Lilting

Grief is a funny thing and a topic many people shy away from. It can isolate us from others as we try to make sense of who and what we’ve lost, and while we try to cope with intense feelings that may make it difficult for us to be around others. Yet, at the same time, it can make our bonds with others stronger. Stronger with those that still remain as we continue to make sense of the one we’ve lost, and ruminate and discuss decisions that were made while they were alive. In essence, this is what the movie Lilting is about.

The movie Lilting explores the experience of grief and how this can be complicated by not coming out to the family of your loved one. Lilting explores this through the relationship of a Cambodian-Chinese mother, Junn – who is grieving for the death of her son – and her son’s boyfriend, Richard. Although riddled by grief, Richard reaches out to Junn, even though she doesn’t know that Richard was her son’s partner.

Through the lens of the relationship between Richard and Junn, the movie Lilting examines a range of cross-cultural topics. It is an examination of older age, cross-cultural experiences of homosexuality, the issue of small family units that experience the loss of one of their members, sexuality between people living in residential care settings, and the feelings of acute loneliness and isolation that first-generation migrants can experience.

Lilting also explores the dilemma that many LGBT people face: feeling the need to protect your relationship with your parents by avoiding coming out to them, but in the process compromising opportunities for allowing your same-sex partner to become part of your family. The movie also explores a topic that is particularly relevant to many of us given the rapidly aging populations around the world: protecting and looking after aging parents, and the dilemma of working out how best to do this.